1 How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Proofreaders shouldn’t change lightbulbs - they should just query why they don’t work.

2 How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?

What’s a lightbulb?

3 How many Sharons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight. Two to change the bulb and six to dance around them.

4 How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Frog.

5 How many workmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six - one to change the lightbulb and five to make tea.

6 How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six - one to hold the bulb and five to turn the room around.

7 How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who said they needed help!

8 How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two - but don’t ask me how they got up there. (Dr. Palfi - Laughologist)

9 How many sociologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None - it’s not the lightbulb that needs changing - it’s the system. (Prof. Laurie Taylor)

10 How many senior managers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Surprising only one - that’s all the senior managers it takes to screw anything up.

11 How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who cares - I’ll just sit here in the dark alone already.

12 How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twelve - one to change the lightbulb and eleven to sing about how good the old one used to be.

13 How many pre-menstrual women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. Why? Because it just does, alright!

14 How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three - but that’s only if it wants to be changed, man.

15 How many members of the Scottish Labour Party does it take to change a lightbulb?

Members of the Scottish Labour Party don’t change anything.

16 How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

During the new moon the pollen filled wind flows through the blossom on the trees.

17 How many Kensington girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to fix the gin and tonics and one to phone the electrician...

18 How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two ... no. four... well .... eight ...... sixteen ....

19 How many supermodels does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one - she sits still and the world revolves around her....

20 How many bridesmaids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Don’t know? Neither do they - that’s why they have wedding coordinators....

21 How many software programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It’s a hardware problem.

22 How many priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. We live in eternal darkness. (Anglican priest to Catholic priest, episode of Father Ted)

23 How many Spanish men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only Juan. (Dr Danielle Forster, University of Leeds)

24 How many of Snow Whites dwarves does it take to change a lightbulb?

All seven. (Kit and the Widow)

25 How many ‘Venusians’ does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They get a man to do it. (Sally - Third Rock from the Sun)

26 How many moths does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. As soon as it goes dark they all just leave. (Quote from It’ s A Bug’s Life movie 1999)

27 How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to check it was done within budget. ( ICAEW magazine Spring 2003)

28 How many real men does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Real men aren’t afraid of the dark.

29 How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twelve. One to change the lightbulb and eleven to share the experience.